Although it is New Year's Eve, I can't shake off this feeling of emptiness, of sadness, and of defeat. I feel like all the stress came up to me and punched me down into the ground. It feels like my dreams and hopes are unobtainable and I don't even have a choice to believe I can or could. I've let myself go to the point where I don't clean my room for weeks on end, don't take much showers, eat everything all the time, and just don't care for myself. I see myself always wanting to die. I want to throw myself out of moving cars. I want to inhale or drink toxic materials. I want to stab myself. I want to not live. I keep imaging scenarios of myself telling someone but I keep thinking that they won't believe me and think that this would go away with some belief or something. I don't want to talk to anyone, not even my friends. I hate living and breathing. And it's not that everything sucks but that I feel so numb and empty all the time. Usually I feel this way and it comes and goes all the time but I feel terrible that it's the start of 2015 and this is how I'll remember it. I thought I was going to be happy and live it up but I want to close myself off from the world and never come back. Hopefully, I'll come back from this but the thoughts are always in the back of my mind.
Alicia Singleton
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