OF ME

It's been four months and I'm feeling more whole than I've been since then.

I talked to you for the first time again today and I felt okay.

I'm sad you still feel depressed but there's that part of me that likes that you're depressed.
That part of me hurts less if you're depressed and not happy without me.
That part of me thinks maybe you'll be with me once again when you're not.
That part of me thinks you can't be with me solely because you're still depressed.

And I realize that I'm sad you're not okay.
That I want you to be okay.
That I want both of us to be okay.
That I'm finally feeling a bit okay.

That part of me
That part of my soul
will always love you,
Be there for you,
Care for you,
Breathe for you, and
Be you.

But that part of me is no longer me
And I finally see that.

3 MONTHS

It's been three months.
So many things have happened in three months.

I'm sad to say I'm still very much in love you with.
I'm sad to say I'm doing worse than I thought.
I'm sad to say I'm hoping you think about me.
I'm sad to say I'm hoping you hurt about me.
I'm sad to say I actually don't mean that at all...

These past three months.

I'm so happy to see you happy!
I'm so happy to see you do well in school.
I'm so happy to see you with friends.
I'm so happy to even see you with the girl that makes you happy.

It's okay,
These past three months.

If you're okay.

1:17 AM

In the end there's going to be a lot of 1:17s
in the morning
and
I'm still going to be alone to only my
thoughts
Even
when the sun rises and you're here
I'm still feeling like
1:17 in the morning

SPECIAL

He is so special to me

The way he rubs his hand on mine feels like paradise
Floating around in circles in the pools of his blue eyes
Diving in to emotions running so deep to the core

Every moment feels like infinity and I feel free
And every moment feels like infinity but never long enough

Oh how I knew he was special

From the first time I opened my eyes
To the last I closed them and felt our heartbeats between our fingers
And couldn't tell which one was mine

THINKING

Thinking about his black shirt
And how pale he looks
And how he got that pale

With tears like the rain
And nights full of pain

Thinking about what he thinks
When I try to avoid his gaze
If he thinks at all

With my sighs of frustration
And days full of temptation

Thinking about his voice
And how it flows so easily
But never directed towards me

With no faze
And my sad gaze

Thinking about why I feel this way

EVERYTHING

Everything's irrelevant in the eyes of love,

Desperate for eager and willing pupils of generations to bow to your unforgiving soul.

Sadly, I can't find the root of existence but people always find reasons.

There are patterns
because nothing's new
with reincarnations and
substaining amounts of energy
I see no reason in questioning patterns
if everything is basically the same.

STATIC

If I close my eyes I can just see the static

It's as if I tuned into the wrong channel of life

And as I sit here, more frustrated than ever, 

I start to believe that the static intensifies

That the noise is drowning my own thoughts

and replacing it with nothing

I can no longer keep up with the waves of static crashing

in my head 

I can no longer stand the abundant cacophony

in my ears

I'm stuck living my life like an empty television screen