THINKING

Thinking about his black shirt
And how pale he looks
And how he got that pale

With tears like the rain
And nights full of pain

Thinking about what he thinks
When I try to avoid his gaze
If he thinks at all

With my sighs of frustration
And days full of temptation

Thinking about his voice
And how it flows so easily
But never directed towards me

With no faze
And my sad gaze

Thinking about why I feel this way

EVERYTHING

Everything's irrelevant in the eyes of love,

Desperate for eager and willing pupils of generations to bow to your unforgiving soul.

Sadly, I can't find the root of existence but people always find reasons.

There are patterns
because nothing's new
with reincarnations and
substaining amounts of energy
I see no reason in questioning patterns
if everything is basically the same.

STATIC

If I close my eyes I can just see the static

It's as if I tuned into the wrong channel of life

And as I sit here, more frustrated than ever, 

I start to believe that the static intensifies

That the noise is drowning my own thoughts

and replacing it with nothing

I can no longer keep up with the waves of static crashing

in my head 

I can no longer stand the abundant cacophony

in my ears

I'm stuck living my life like an empty television screen 

HIS VOICE

His goddamn voice was a piano concerto
It rocked my soul and melted me in places I wasn't used to
It lead me up and down
And it made me beg
For repetition made it better
Ever repeated word, like a note, sent me shivering
He couldn't possibly know what he meant to me
No matter how many times I listened
I couldn't find anything better
And I couldn't ever compare

SCARED

I'm so scared.
Of the feelings I feel, of the feelings I could feel, and of the feeling others have felt because of me.
I can't run away from time and I can't turn it back to make you better.
I can't sit here and imagine a world where you aren't struggling so much to be normal.
But I also can't stand up and help.

I'm so scared.
Of what is happening, of what may happen, and what has happened
because of me.
I can't run away from time and I can't turn it forward to make you better.
I can't sit here and imagine a world where you don't actually exist as someone who doesn't mean so much to me.
But I also can't stand to see you go.

WANTED

But I don't want it
I said as my heart swelled at the sight of your back towards me.

But I don't want it
I said as my heart swam through the waves of your voice.

But I don't want it.
I said as my heart was taken by a smile.

But I want it.
I said as my heart was shot down with a casual glance.

But I want it.
I said as my heart was tossed away when you told me you didn't want me.

But I wanted it.

HEART

He carved his name into my mind
And burned holes in my heart
Not thinking that they'd heal so painfully and slowly

But I couldn't blame him

I put up a front
That it didn't hurt

And that was the price I paid

YOU

Funny how I can

look at you
smile at you
talk to you
laugh with you

And never show that I was

crying over you

This weekend

With my face tucked in
sheets

And my feelings tucked in
crevices

Too deep for reality
to reach